And then she said she can't believe, genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues,
I'm a girl of seventeen who has many dreams and is finding her way. I like music, cute things, dancing, dreaming, being inspired, crafts, ramen noodles, pretty smiles, musicals, makeup, anything that sparkles, tea, the beach, and I love this band called panic! at the disco. This is my small space on the interwebs where I will share my feelings, hopes, and dreams; my way of channeling my thoughts and views of the world. . Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs,
ShoutMix chat widget Northern downpour sends its love. ♥
|
Saturday, May 22, 2010
New post! Yay :) No I haven't ditched blogger because of my new Tumblr, I'll definitely still be posting here, but just less often. The reason being that I put a lot more effort and thought into these posts than I do for the Tumblr posts and I don't like to rush these ones, so they come out less often. But it's quality over quantity right? SO, The past couple weeks have been a little bit less than great to say the least, but I find that when the universe isn't going my way, I learn the most about not only life, but also about myself. I swear by the age of seventeen you should probably pretty much know yourself, but no, not me. Last week I learned what an absolutely terrible person I can be. I realize that no matter how much we dedicate ourselves to living a life full of love and compassion for everyone (including ourselves, which is the hardest!), we are still human and have small craters of our beings that are filled with hate and jealousy and all those baddies. I generally try to shush these baddies and concentrate on only the good, but for some reason unknown to me, these little guys escaped into my head last week. For a couple days I was an atrocious being that I could never be proud of. I was actually quite surprised how rotten the inside of my head was for a little while. Almost everything and everyone I saw provoked a firestorm of mean, nasty, jealous thoughts and criticisms. I would never voice them, but they were still there. This makes me a little uneasy because this is not the kind of person I want to be, I work hard to push myself to be accepting and loving towards everyone and it's something I'm very proud of. That little stint left me feeling like the world's biggest hypocrite. Here I am preaching peace and love to everyone when I can't even think peaceful and loving thoughts in my head? Pretty pathetic. Thank goodness that mind frame is gone. No more baddies for me! I'm back to only good thoughts, even if my life is crumbling before my very eyes. This is one good thing and that gives me hope. We all need something good to hang onto when the universe decides to throw crap our way right?So on to the crappy crap crap. First off, thank you universe for kicking me flat on my face when I thought things were going so great. There's this bitch called Karma who decided to pay me one hell of a visit recently. I kinda feel like this is an uncalled for visit though. It's almost as if something that happened a little while ago that was not my fault (one of those things that you can't help, that just happen and you really feel bad about and you do your best to help the situation even though there's really nothing you can do about it) is now coming back to bite me in the ass. The tables have turned; things have come full circle. It's just so ironic how the roles have changed and how now I'm the one feeling like heart is being ripped out of my chest. No, it's more of a gut-dropping feeling that never goes away because there are those constant little reminders that crop up to remind you what you don't get to have. No matter how badly you want to be that person or how absolutely hard you try you won't get what you want. Ugh, not fair. Now I know exactly how bad it feels and boy does it stink. I feel even more guilty now that I've walked in those shoes. Stinks.  But it's not the first time this has happened. It always seems that I spent so much time being infatuated with things that I don't realize that time is passing and things are slipping away. Somewhere during this time life happens, and other people are getting what they want. What I want. It's just how life works for me I guess. I'm not the kind of person who is aggressive and who will fight people for things. Not my style. I choose classy over trashy always. So I guess this repetition of events will forever define my life, someone else will always get what I had hoped for and life goes on. And that's the only saving grace about it. Life goes on. Also, my marks are plummeting. It's quite terrible. For the first time ever I actually teared up during school about them. Things are not good. It seems that even something I thought to be one my strengths - my academics - isn't looking promising either. Oh and that job interview I was so excited about? They never got back to me. It's been a week and I haven't gotten a call or an e-mail. Very disappointing. But even with all this crap going on I'm happy to say that I've managed to keep myself more mentally stable than usual. Normally I would be having mental breakdowns here and there and torturing poor K with unrelenting phone calls that are more sob-sessions than actual phone calls. I've kept a smile on my face and stayed happy and positive for everyone else. Just because my life is crap doesn't mean that everyone else's is. In fact, it seems that other people's lives are looking up. And I'm really happy for them :) It gives me so much hope to see things going so well for others. Maybe soon I will get some of this happiness and I'll be able to share it with everyone else too. But for now I'll just have to settle with smiling and being happy for them. And I'm okay with that. Because these things will change. Oh it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you Somebody else gets what you wanted again You know it's all the same, another time and place Repeating history and you're getting sick of it xoxo 1 comments 1 Comments:
:) chevy, I like the fact that finally when I read your posts I know exactly what you are talking about. I finally feel in the loop. I love you and you deserve better. Way better.
By Saturday, April 24, 2010
“But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.” - Anonymous I find it so incredibly interesting how life hands you so many different emotions every day. Sometimes I'll wake up and just want to go out there and give the world all I've got with a giant smile plastered across my face, and other times I'll just want to crawl back under the covers and sleep/cry the day away. Some days I want to growl and tear everybody's faces off and other days I want to give everyone a hug and dance around everywhere I go. I always try and tell myself each day that I'm happy to be alive; that every day I live means there's one less day to look forward to in the future and so I should be thankful for the wonderful life I get to live every single day. Some days this comes easier than others. It's just so funny how the smallest things can either ruin or make your day. Small things like your Anthro teacher picking on you or an in-class essay...  It's kind of like I'm a puppet that belongs to the universe, my emotions are controlled by what goes on around me. If I try and fight back, things usually just get worse. I'm kind of okay with that. You just kind of have to go with the flow. I believe that if something is meant to be, then it's going to happen and if it's not, then it won't. Life isn't always going to be happy or easy, but it's also not always going to be depressing and difficult either. You just have to go along with it, work hard for what you want and try and make it better for everyone else.It's also so weird how sometimes you can be having the best day ever while someone else is having an absolutely terrible one. Even if you're together most of the time, one person might be having the worst day of their life while the other is bursting with happiness. The universe works in mysterious ways. One day you might be withholding so much joy that's just bursting at the seams (ie: your crush just so happened to talk to you noticeably more today... ahem...) , while your friend might be going through one of the worst days ever (ie: her crush being a total bitch and walking around with a glorious skank... ahem...). All in all, life comes in waves, there are highs, there are lows and we all go through them. That's why I personally think it's so important to always be thankful for all the good things and fun times so that we'll be able to make it through those crappy days. Just live and smile and dance and love. It's that simple. Just so you know, I checked and it's all going to be ok. I promise. :) xoxo 4 comments 4 Comments:
loveeeee it ! ;)
By
lmaooooooooo i just died! omg the ahemmmmm parts made me laughh!!
By
Thank you Sadiya! ♥ It's nice to hear from you on here :)
By
funny enough I was debating between posting this one or the other one on your facebook page :) and I decided on his.
By new layout. again.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Hello.  As you can probably tell, I have yet another new layout. It makes me kinda sad because I really loved my old one, but unfortunately there was some kind of problem with the pictures and the whole thing was basically covered in "You've exceeded your bandwidth!!!!". Not pretty. So now I have this layout. I really like how clean and simple it is and hopefully it will last me longer than the last one. It's also a lot easier to navigate, which is a plus :) New stuff up soon hopefully! xoxo Oh! And if you have the time, please write something in my little box over on the left! She is lonely and empty :( 0 comments 0 Comments:I guess I'll get over it.
Friday, April 2, 2010
I would really like to have a little rant about people.I hate them. Okay, not all of them, some of them are really good. But for the most part they're unbearable. I feel like they just cause problems. I think this is the main reason why I prefer to be alone. It's usually not that the person is bad per say, it's just that with everyone has their own problems and issues and when you involve another person in your life, their problems and issues also become involved. I mean, I already have enough problems and then when I open up to others their problems become mine. I'm the type of person who cares and worries far too much about every little thing and so there's only so much worrying I can take, I think my own worries are enough. Call me selfish, but I like what little sanity I have left thank you very much.  One of the big people-related problems I came across this week was with my best friend. It's not like me to put all of my trust into someone. But I did, and there is literally no one who knows as much about me as he does. But now I feel really stupid and foolish to have done so. Trust is such a fragile thing, I've never been that great at it because I understand that. But I now know not to trust anybody with everything, no matter how kind, caring or trustworthy they may seem. I now understand that I need to stop imagining that people are better than they actually are. If someone is a liar, they are a liar. I need to get over pretending everyone is nice. A friend of mine said to me "I know this is hard for you to understand, but not everyone is as genuine as you are. In fact, most of them are dicks and you're going to have to get used to it."I hope she's wrong. I can't bear to think that everyone is a liar. But I now know that my best friend is kind of a dick. I think it was just a shock to me that he would do something like what he did and feel absolutely so remorse or regret about it; to not even feel the need to apologize for it. It makes me really want to reconsider who I call a friend. Maybe I just had my eyes opened to the reality of people. But I still think honesty is the best policy and that it not only helps you in the long run, but it also helps the people around you. There are so many problems in the world that have been caused by people lying, why add to them? I don't know how he can go around living a lie, but I know I wouldn't be able to. Maybe that makes me a weak person; maybe it makes me a better one. Either way I'll get over it eventually because he's still a really great friend to me, and I can't hate someone if they didn't do anything terrible to me directly. That's just how I am. But I definitely won't be as trusting. The wonderful Keltie Colleen wrote about honesty in her blog earlier today and it was as if she'd read my mind. If you have the time, you should really read it. It's literally a direct translation of what I'm feeling right now. I personally think she's a genius and one of the most hard working, fearless and honest people I know. If more people were like her this world would be a much better place, believe me. The tragedy, it seems unending I'm watching everyone I looked up to breaking, bending We're taking shortcuts and false solutions Just to come out the hero 0 comments 0 Comments:mark break + gagagagaga
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I always hate figuring out titles for these blog posts. I don't want them to be plain, but I don't want them to be ridiculously cheesy either; it's a difficult equilibrium. But today I decided to settle with the plain old title of "march break". How original. Just looking at it makes me think of back in elementary school when they'd make you write about all the wonderful things you did over the break - and you could never write "I just sat in front of the TV" either. But this blog isn't going to be a grade two rendition of what I did over march break, it's just sorta me blabbering on about my life as usual. I feel like all my posts are so rambly and disorganized, but whatever, this isn't an essay. In fact this post is going to be very journal-esque.Okay so basically I spent half of my break at Square One... I'm not gonna lie and say I did something amazing or productive with my time. I was supposed to volunteer at the pool and finish up those damn 40 volunteer hours that are always haunting me, but it just never ended up happening... So I went to the mall literally like three times. It was fun, the mall never gets boring. I feel like there's something wrong with that statement. I think it's the fact that I'm way too materialized. There's a Lady Gaga song that goes: "I can't help myself, I'm addicted to a life of material." Yeah, that's my excuse too. Other than the mall, I went to a movie with friends. That was fun too :) We saw Valentine's Day and it was actually pretty cute. I wasn't really expecting much from it, but I was pleasantly surprised. It was a funny and charming movie, and not to mention it was chalk-full of stars... And Ashton was adorable (as usual)!  OKAY. So Friday was the best. I got up early to stand by my phone for two hours texting my friend Alisha back and forth trying to get tickets to a concert. This concert was of course for Miss Gaga's summer Monster Ball Tour. The Toronto date was set for July 11th and I was beyond exited for those tickets, but after about 10 minutes Alisha texted me saying Ticketmaster wasn't working. I went online and tried getting through, but it seemed like the show was sold out. Yes, the show sold out in about fifteen minutes. But, luckily for us, another date for the 12th was added without any notice and we of course scrambled for tickets to that show. Fortunately we got them! I honestly couldn't sit down for twenty minutes after I found out we'd gotten them. I've always wanted to see Gaga perform live because she's one of the few artists out there who actually perform; immaculate costumes, dancing, live singing, the works. Plus she always goes over the top and has some killer songs. After jumping around a bit, I realized the show isn't for another five months... But I'm still excited! :DThen, to make things even better, my mom had two bouts of good news to give. One, she got her cancer results back and she's in the clear! We were all so relieved. Cancer is so scary to me because I've seen so many family members suffer through it and get taken away so early. But thankfully no one is sick. The second, is that we're finally going on a cruise this summer! I'm really excited for this, we're going to get to sail around the Caribbean on a massive boat with limitless food for eight days stopping at a bunch of beautiful white-sand-beached islands. I was looking at the brochure and online and this thing is going to be wonderful, just the ship itself is so big and gorgeous. There's so many different things to do on it I'm not even sure if I'll want to get off at any of the islands. So, that was what the universe gave me this week. It was a pretty good break :) Hehe, I'm thinking now that maybe it does sound like one of those grade two journal entries. I just can't seem to escape my juvenile mind frame... Anyways, staying somewhat on topic, I'm posting Lady Gaga's video for "Telephone". I love the song, but I'm not sure about the video. It's very interesting, I mean how can it not be with all the wacky Gaga fashion, almost naked-ness and of course Beyonce? But it just seems like it might be a little too much at once. Either way it's eye-grabbing and interesting so I'll post it for the world to see :) Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broke but you can still see the crack in that motherfuckers reflection. xoxo 1 comments 1 Comments:I love love love love, that video seen it like 6 times in a row ! :) and and, im soo happy for you. seems like you got alot of good news, in one day :) YAYAYAYA :) lets celebrate ♥ |
Lovelies.
highkicksandhighhopeshonestexpressions giulianaisms briabellerina tangentialramblings iwrotethisforyou postsecret universaldoll dropdeadkawaii bloomzy chaigyaru |
